Trolling the Land of Oz
by Woodswolf
Summary: I want a giant lollipop. Rated M for language, trolling, and the fact that it's part of the series.
1. One: Mr Universe

**TROLLING THE LAND OF OZ**

'_Cuz sometimes it's fun to be a troll, you know?_

* * *

CHAPTER ONE: MR. UNIVERSE

I think Ted's paying me back. It _is_ quite lonely – I think he's sleeping opposite of me. When I'm asleep, he's probably awake, doing something else.

He might also be trolling my sleep cycle. Maybe _that's_ why he won't wake up.

Now I'm left to entertain you guys. Why can't we just be staining the Yellow Brick Road red with blood already? I don't know who you are, why should I have to talk to you?

I guess I'll have to apologize to him when we get out of here… then we can synchronize our sleep cycles and be _happy_ ignoring you guys.

I would _much_ rather sleep for a year than talk to 'imaginary friends' for this year or whatever. You guys probably don't care about what I'm saying, anyway! You just want to watch our trolling!

I liked trolling that skeleton desert or whatever it was, but this one is going to be even _better_. I'm a bit surprised Oz exists – but, of course, I exist, so I'm not really surprised.

Off to Oz!

…

Well, this is taking a long time.

Wait! I know a way out of this! I'll troll the universe into thinking that we're NOT trolling the universe, and then we can just teleport there!

* * *

THE UNIVERSE

* * *

That's not going to work, idiot.

* * *

CORALINE

* * *

We're not trolling you, Mr. Universe!

* * *

THE UNIVERSE

* * *

I like that name! I'll keep it and the trophy! Go where you like.

* * *

CORALINE

* * *

YES! BOOYAH! LET'S GET THIS OVER WITH!

WOO!

* * *

_(A/N): I like my stories with extra No Fourth Wall._

_Could you guess?_


	2. Pi: Let Them Have Fun

**TROLLING THE LAND OF OZ**

'_Cuz sometimes it's fun to be a troll, you know?_

* * *

CHAPTER PI: LET THEM HAVE FUN

Coraline slaps me awake.

"The fuck?"

"We're here. And sorry for ignoring you on the first trip."

I understand the first part of what she said. "But I thought it was still three mon-"

"Mr. Universe let us troll him."

"Mr. Universe?" I ask. "Who's Mr. Universe?"

"He said he wanted the name and the trophy in exchange for us trolling space-time."

Now I know who she's talking about.

"So, what were your full plans for Oz?" I say, getting up and looking around. We're in some sort of serene, grassy field. "Where the fuck is the Yellow Brick Road, anyway?"

"Well, we're going to have to split up," Coraline says. "You're gonna have to go to the Wicked Witch of the West's place, while I go to Munchkin Land. We'll keep in touch with these cell phones," she continues, pulling two BlackBerries out of one of the trolling backpack's pockets.

She also pulls out another trolling backpack, which I understand is for me. Wait, we can make an infinite number of these?

"What's the number?" I ask, taking the cell phone and the backpack.

"It's on speed dial."

"Well, where's a phone book, then? Shouldn't we just call them?" I ask her.

"Hell no," she says. "You don't want to not let them have fun, do you?"

I look back at her and see that she's pulled several silver missiles out of the original trolling backpack.

"_Holy shit!_ We're gonna let them _nuke_ each other?"

"Yup."

"Now what you said makes sense," I tell her. "'Oz won't exist when we're done with it'."

"Aren't we going to get going soon?" Coraline asks, clearly impatient.

"Sure. When are we going to have our epic battle, though? I call leading the Flying Monkeys."

"Well, I don't care when it is, but I'm riding a rainbow unicorn into battle."

"Yeah, guess what? I'm going to ride Charlie the Unicorn into battle."

"Touché," she says, giving up. "A week or two from now, maybe? For our epic battle?"

"Nah, not until the vast majority of Oz is radioactive wasteland," I tell her.

"Good idea."

"So… where the fuck is the Yellow Brick Road, anyway?"

"It would be faster if you just went that way," she says, pointing behind me.

"And you know that how?"

Coraline hangs her head in shame.

"I'm a nerd."

* * *

_(A/N): Like their plans?_

_Oh, you will not believe the trouble they will cause in Oz… *rhymes*_

_This isn't even the beginning, trust me._


	3. e: Munchies

**TROLLING THE LAND OF OZ**

'_Cuz sometimes it's fun to be a troll, you know?_

* * *

CHAPTER _e_: MUNCHIES

I've always loved the Munchkins.

Still, I have to say that the Cowardly Lion is my favorite character. He and Dorothy would make an awesome couple. Who cares if it wouldn't work out? The Scarecrow and Tin Man aren't even alive (in the truest sense; they can move, but they don't have beating hearts, now do they? Tin Man just has a ticking one, and Scarecrow's filled with straw!)!

Anyways, the Flying Monkeys are the only people that would declare war on the Munchkins, and the Flying Monkeys are butt-ugly, so that's pretty much the reason why I'm now marching down the Yellow Brick Road in the opposite direction Dorothy did.

Also? I have a score to settle with the guy that gave Dorothy that giant lollipop. Specifically concerning a giant lollipop.

_What?_ Dorothy didn't even eat the thing! She was just carrying it around while I was salivating profusely!

Moving on.

Eventually I show up at the Munchkin Village. The little people don't really seem to mind my presence – a few of them give me glances every now and then, but I'm pretty much ignored.

Maybe I should have worn a neon-yellow sequin suit. I _might_ get the Dorothy treatment then, and that's kinda what I wanted.

I walk into the center of town and stand on this raised courtyard thing. The glances grow more frequent as I take out the BlackBerry and text Ted.

_im ready whenever u r_

A few minutes later, he texts me back.

_i thought u were gonna call! took me 10 mins to find how to reply 2 u_

_where r u?_

_almost 2 castle. u sure that was a shortcut?_

_yeah i know oz like the back of my hand_

_holy shit its a long way_

_ikr!_

_ill be ready in 2 hours. i see castle about 3 mile from here_

_good i have score to settle with a munchkin_

_what?_

_it involves a giant lollipop_

_ohh kay… im thinking too much about it right?_

_probably_

_good_

_cya_

I put the phone in my pocket and set off to look for my guy.

* * *

Eventually I corner him in a back alley.

"What's your name?" I ask him.

"Bob," the three-foot-tall Munchkin says. "Just Bob."

"Okay, then, Bob. I want what you have, or what you used to have," I say, pulling out the BlackBerry again. "You recognize _this_, Bob? I already know you work for the Lollipop Guild. You know you know what it is."

Bob gulps. "What do you want?"

"I want fifty of those to take with me," I tell him, pointing at the screen. He pulls out a pad of paper and writes it down, clearly panicking.

"You better get this to me, Bob. You know why? 'Cuz otherwise you, your wife, and your family will _all die_ when the Flying Monkeys nuke this place from orbit. You got that?"

Bob nods his head repeatedly. His eyes are bugging out of his head in fear, probably both because he thinks whatever family he has will die and because I'm just scary, period.

"Come with me," I tell him, walking back towards the main square. Bob stays in step with me surprisingly well for having such short, stubby legs.

When I approach the raised courtyard once again, Bob falls back into the crowd, a crowd that is now staring intently at me.

"People of Munchkin Land," I shout. "Where is your mistress Glinda?"

"She's the queen of the Diamond City," someone from the crowd shouts. "Apparently she tore down some offensive city and re-created it in her image. She said she'd visit from time to time."

"The 'Diamond City'?"

"Follow the Yellow Brick Road!" one of the Munchkins sings.

I immediately know what happened.

"Okay, okay, no need to start _that,_" I say. "Anyone know how I can get to talk to her?"

All of a sudden, a pink globe appears on the horizon. Glinda's protective globe, once it approaches, quickly _melts_ from her rage.

"Okay, okay now! Who pulled the Distress Signal? You better have a _good excuse_, nothing's on _fire_ – you all need me too much, _gah…_"

Immediately every Munchkin points at me.

"I thought I put up a spell to stop that from happening!" Glinda rants. "We can't have _her _coming back… when she sees what I did to –"

"I came of my own accord," I speak up. "The Munchkins are in grave danger."

Glinda calms slightly at that. "What's happening? Did you fill the Town Hall with _firebombs_?"

_How close you are,_ I think.

"No," I assure her. "The Flying Monkeys have declared –"

Suddenly the BlackBerry rings.

"Just a second, I have to talk to my source in the Flying Monkey's castle."

I decide to text, however, as I don't want the Munchkins (or the now officially evil queen, Glinda) to hear my raving.

_the FUCK, ted? the FUCK?_

_im ready. wanted 2 tell u_

_i was givin my speech already!_

_o sorry_

_fuck you_

_fuck you too. FMs r so gonna win_

_no they not_

_denial…_

_fuck you_

I turn off the phone.

"My source was just checking in. He's watching the actions of the Flying Monkeys currently. Anyway, the Flying Monkeys have declared war on the Munchkin people!"

Everyone except Glinda cries out in shock. We've made a silent deal: I kill as many Munchkins as I can with this war, and she sits on the ashes of the Emerald City (which changes my plans a slight bit) and does nothing.

At least I'm robbing the Lollipop Guild to get paid for it.

Glinda asks for me to come inside the Town Hall with her so that the two of us can talk. Once I'm inside, it's really cramped with her poofy dress, but we talk anyway.

"I'm going to explain it to you," I say, and fill her in on the whole plan: the lollipops, the bombings, the pointless war, _etc., etc., etc…_

Well, I don't _quite_ tell her the whole plan… I do all that _she_ needs to know, though.

"It's good to get rid of these awful pests," she says, pulling a medal off a bronze statue, which falls and breaks in a hundred pieces. "Thanks for your help."

We go outside. It was getting too hot in there (the Munchkins don't have _air conditioning?_ Thank _god_ this place will be gone soon).

Glinda presents me with the medal and says that I am now the Top General in the newly-created Munchkin Army. We grin at each other when she puts it around my neck.

After that, I request assistance from the Munchkins. I have all the roofs in Munchkin Land to arm with nuclear missiles.

* * *

OTHER MOTHER

* * *

Little-known fact: I was originally from Kansas.

And I had a dog.

The reason I became who I am today is because I got my first taste of magic at a young age.

And I grew addicted.

No matter what it looks like I thought, inwardly I loved that rush of energy, and wanted to let others experience it.

Long story short, I'm now me.

Anyway, it turns out that the trolls have decided to take a trip to the place I first found magic.

Hopefully they haven't messed it up too badly yet…

* * *

_(A/N): Things are heating up, no?_

_Next chapter is told through Ted and takes place at the same time as this one._


	4. i: Time Trolling

**TROLLING THE LAND OF OZ**

_'Cuz sometimes it's fun to be a troll, you know?_

* * *

CHAPTER i: TIME TROLLING

Well, apparently Mr. Universe won't let me troll him to make time go faster right here -

The BlackBerry plays its 'receive text' sound. I check the time - it's three hours after I first turned on the phone.

Maybe I'm supposed to slow down time everywhere else. Yeah.

At least I know I have trolling rights.

But... wait. _How do you answer a text on this thing?_

I _swear_ it's about ten minutes before I find the 'Reply' button.

It's on the touch screen.

* * *

_cya_, Coraline texts. I know it's the last one, so I put it in my pocket. Who cares if I might end up butt-dialing?

I slow down time everywhere else and run for the hills.

I need to get to my castle quickly.

* * *

Eventually, I get to the of the guards approach me, their feathery, dirty-gray wings stuck to their backs like they were glued there.

"Whaaaaaaat ihssss yoooooooor bihhhsssssnnuhhhhssss heeeeer?" one of them asks me. It's speaking so slow that it's completely unnatural and freaky-sounding.

It lowers its spear in slow motion, robotically.

"I have urgent news!" I shout, acting my part of 'distraught messenger'.

"Whaaaaaaaat?" the other one asks.

"I said I have urgent news!" I shout again, getting angry.

"Weeeeee caaaaaaann't uhhhnnduuurssssstaaaaaaannnnd yoooooo," they say.

"Why no-"

Oh. Wait. I'm still trolling time.

I wonder for a moment what my voice must sound like at 20x speed.

I stop my trolling.

"This better?"

"Yes," they say. Now they sound normal.

"Well, I have urgent news! I need to see your king immediately! It concerns war!"

"A war?" the first one asks with no enthusiasm. The other one just stares at me.

"Yes!" I say, hoping that I'm fooling them with my 'distraught messenger'.

"Follow us," the other one says. This time the other one stares at me as we walk in the castle.

On the way, I call Coraline.

* * *

After being ranted at in text form, I discover that the throne room is right up ahead.

The king is sitting on his throne playing _Diablo 3_. I can tell because he's swearing at a group of unicorns to 'go crawl up all your asses and die'.

His avatar is also shooting them with a sniper rifle.

Eventually he looks up, sees me, and begins talking, while still absorbed in the bright, cheery colors of Whimsyshire.

"So..." he says, still fiddling with the controller. "What do you want - DIE ALREADY, STUPID PONY! - to tell me?"

His character throws a grenade at a group of pink ponies, which violently explode in a flash of blood.

I can't help but think that maybe the skeleton-things should have hired him to get rid of their fairy-tale forests.

"Well, the Munchkins declared war on you," I say. He shows no concern.

I watch as he blows up another group of ponies. "Can I play?"

"You any good?"

* * *

Three hours later, we've moved on to _World of Warcraft_.

"So, I have no idea how to defeat this boss," he tells me.

"Oh, he's easy," I lie, taking his mouse.

I troll the servers with my mind. I allow my weapon - or his, really - to do 500,000 damage a hit, and tap the boss in his crotch.

It dies immediately, and I begin the long trek back to the quest collector to turn it in.

"Seriously?" the Flying Monkey King says. He sounds quite pissed. "You just have to hit him in his balls?"

"Yep," I say, lying through my teeth.

"Well, that's easy, then," he says. "Didn't know Blizzard was run by perverts..."

I laugh at his insights.

"Go win the war for me," he tells me. "Turn the Munchkins into fucking DUST, got that, Ted? I'll help you when I reach level 100. Thanks, dude."

He's only at level 83, but I don't bother to point that out. More time for me to have complete control in his army.

I make my way to the roof of the castle. I set up one of the missiles and prime it for launch.

* * *

_(A/N): I have never played _WoW_ or _Diablo 3_, but I decided that this would be very funny, so I made up my own stuff for it._

_As you probably already know, _Blizzard_ is not run by perverts (well, we can't be sure...) and the Flying Monkeys don't play _Diablo 3_. They play _Tetris_. Get it right._

_I __**do**__ know that Whimsyshire is real (from _Diablo 3_). I saw a YouTube video that showed how to get there. That's proof enough, right?_


	5. Phi: Candy Mountain

**TROLLING THE LAND OF OZ**

_'Cuz sometimes it's fun to be a troll, you know?_

* * *

CHAPTER PHI: CANDY MOUNTAIN

I watch the molten candy mixture pour into one half of the candy cane mold. On the other side of the factory, my Munchkin slaves are assembling the hidden switchblades that fit inside the other half of the mold. And it's all organic!

I'm currently overseeing manufacturing of all the hand-to-hand combat weapons inside Candy Mountain, an ancient military base hidden underneath all of Munchkin Land (Ted would point out that it's also a Charlie the Unicorn reference, but I don't care). It's designed so that the Munchkins can survive through a nuclear holocaust, a zombie apocalypse, and up to seventeen plagues occuring all at the same time.

Since it's so secure, I've converted it into the world's safest weapons factory.

...Well, safe as in it can survive all the stuff I listed. We've already had over a hundred and fifty deaths from falling in the candy vats alone, and then there's the fact that I have to wear a gas mask to avoid getting lung cancer in here.

Glinda wanted that part, not me.

One of the Munchkins leads me off to another side of the factory. On the way, we pass the station where they make chocolate bunnies into edible grenades, the _Twizzlers_ rope-weaving station (never know when you have to climb a cliff!), and our supply of five hundred thousand _Ring Pops_.

Why the _Ring Pops_? Well, if you're gonna die, it's less embarassing to have a _Ring Pop _choking off your screams than a pacifier. Just saying.

The Munchkin leads me to the Testing Room, where every product is, of course, put to the test. One or two of every batch are sent here, and if they don't work, the whole batch is dumped. Or eaten.

First up are the candy canes with the hidden switchblades. I take one from the counter near one of the soundproof walls and walk up to the test dummy, Tester.

I had intended a MythBusters reference, but... to say the least, most of the Munchkins... took it the wrong way. It took three hours to clean the room up...

Anyway.

I begin by beating him with the cane, first with light blows, and eventually working up to a fully-fledged beating. This test makes sure that the weapon isn't too brittle to use, so that you can hit someone over the head as many times as you want without it breaking.

The next test is to sheath and re-sheath the blade repeatedly, so that the blade and other components won't shatter when you open it. This blade passes.

The last test is my personal favorite - Blade Strength and Power. I think it speaks for itself, honestly.

The blade passes with flying colors, and so I approve the whole batch to be sent to the aboveground military training base out in the country.

Next up, I test one of the grenade-bunnies. I can't go into details on this series of tests, but here's our recipe for them: one part chocolate, one part assorted wiring, and eight parts C-4!

I can tell it's lethal when Tester's head and left arm fly off, but none of his joints are attached very well anyway. I approve the batch.

Up next it's the Twizzlers ropes, so I set up some safety wires that I put a group of Munchkins in charge of and prepare to climb a twelve-foot-tall climbing wall using the rope.

It works, albeit painfully, and I decide to, instead of approve this batch, eat it and make the Munchkins weave extra-strength ropes.

I try to call Ted, but his phone must be off, so I text him instead.

_we agreed 2 100 nukes right?_

I just can't remember how many each of us agreed to have for this war. I know it was either 100 or 500, though, so that narrows my guessing range. I leave the Testing Room and go to check on the training of the soldiers at the military base.

I wander through a maze of hallways - a right here, a left there, turn around at the fiftieth dead end - but eventually I reach one of the tram stations that cuts through the complex. I'm on the Grape Line, according to a sign, and to get to the military training center, I have to go for three stops on here, transfer to Blue Raspberry, eight stops on Blue Raspberry, transfer to the Green Apple Line, four stops on Green Apple, switch to the Cherry Line, and then five stops on there before I get to the main tram station, where I'll switch to the Orange Line and head straight for the camp.

And I missed the tram twice while trying to figure out where to go.

The Munchkin architects are idiots. I would remodel, but the whole base is a mile underground.

Finally the tram comes back, and I get out on the third stop, but there's no Blue Raspberry tram transfer signs anywhere.

Then I check the map and see that it was going the wrong way, that I'm at the end of the tram route, and that there are twenty stops to the other end of the tram track.

Which means I'll be waiting around two hours for the tram to get back here.

Crap.

Two hours and a power outage later, the tram finally returns and I get on. I wait six stops, get off, and prepare to transfer to Blue Raspberry - this time after I check the direction.

It's gonna take days to get out of here.

I sigh as I board the tram.

* * *

_(A/N): Well, sorry for the super-long delay on this._

_Anyway, I wrote these chapters while I was gone in New Orleans for a week. Enjoy, because you get them raw except for this._

_I don't own __**Twizzlers**__. Or __**Ring Pops**__. Or Blue Raspberry flavoring. Or Munchkins. Or nukes. Or confusing tram maps. Or the world... _**Yet**_**.**_

_The end._

_* Organic means 'containing the element carbon'. Not 'grown naturally' like the world thinks. The chemical formula for sugar is _**C12 **_H22 O11 (FF. Net won't allow subscripts) *_


	6. x: Monkeys, Machine Guns, and Madness

**TROLLING THE LAND OF OZ**

_'Cuz sometimes it's fun to be a troll, no?_

* * *

CHAPTER X: MONKEYS, MACHINE GUNS, AND MADNESS

I only truly realize how awesome Coraline's idea was when I see the armory. I see about a hundred kinds of gun on the wall: fully auto, semi-auto, RPGs... You name it, the Flying Monkeys have it somewhere in the room.

Even better? They know how to use them.

I watch as every monkey walks in, looks around at the available weapons, and picks something that works well with their body type. A big, buff one grabs a heavy bazooka, and a really fast, small guy grabs a lightweight machine gun with his hands and a Glock with his tail.

Eventually, they go outside and start shooting the trees down for two reasons: it's target practice, and then the Munchkins have to run a long way in the open to reach the castle.

If we're attacked, it will be a massacre. And Coraline will lose the bet.

* * *

_so the bet. wat 2 do 4 it?_

_i have ideas_

_wat?_

_2 words: dunk tank_

_that wood be epic u so gettin dunkd ted_

_no u r loser_

_wat if we tie?_

_both of us?_

_sure y not_

_k that work_

* * *

I get a text and ignore it. Some troll at an anonymous number has been texting me with death threats, and I don't like being trolled. Period.

I decide to go check on the King, see if he's using his computer, and then mess with a few things.

Like, troll WoW's servers so that the King only gains 25% of the experience he's supposed to.

That'll keep him there for a while.

And, of course, troll the world so that I can buy Charlie the Unicorn on eBay.

Or rent, of course, but it's better to buy.

I think we're mostly prepared. I call one of the monkeys over to me.

"General, sir?" he asks, saluting. He's already decked out in the camouflage I designed - bright green with a darker emerald green and a lime color. Oz is so ridiculously Technicolor that regular camo would make anybody stand out.

And then there's the Sky Trooper uniforms (sky blue with white and very light grey splotches), but those guys are outside practicing.

"You are...?" I ask the troop.

"Sergeant Greybeard, General," he says, stroking his ridiculously grey beard. I wonder why _anyone _would name their kid that. "Fifth Calvary, fourth squadron."

"Sergeant? I want you to get me the launch codes for the nukes."

"Where are you sending them?"

"Isn't it obvious, Sergeant?"

"Sir yes sir."

"Get them."

* * *

_(A/N): You likey?_

_I've had this one ready for a while, but I've got chapter five finished, so I decided to get un-lazy and type this one._


	7. Gamma: Return to Oz

**TROLLING THE LAND OF OZ**

_'Cuz sometimes it's fun to be a troll, you know?_

* * *

CHAPTER GAMMA: RETURN TO OZ

_You'll be a bust,_

_Be a bust,_

_Be a bust,_

_In the Hall of Fame!_

Gah! The Munchkins are even beginning to annoy _me_. I can understand why Glinda wants to murder them all, with their consistent three-part harmonies and annoyingly catchy songs. The only reason I haven't killed these guys yet is because they're carving my larger-than-life Dictator-of-All-Munchkin-Land statue, which is going to be placed in the main tram station in the military base, right next to Glinda's Supreme-Dictator-Overlord-of-all-Oz statue.

Their Hall of Fame is gonna get nuked soon enough anyway, so I want to ensure my immortality. And the only reason they're singing that is because _'In the Main Tram Station!' _is ridiculously long and has the wrong number of syllables. Same thing with _'You'll be a gigantic larger-than-life statue'_.

"Is this to your specifications, Dictator Coraline?"

I take a look at it. It's a statue of me at twice life size stabbing the beldam to death. Repeatedly.

"Will it look good next to Supreme Dictator Overlord Glinda's statue?" I ask, admiring the edge of the blade my statue-self is holding. "And is this blade able to be separated from the statue?"

"Oh, yes," the Munchkin says. "Supreme Dictator Overlord Glinda's pictures her stabbing Dorothy to death. Repeatedly. And as for the blade, yes, it can."

I remove the blade from the statue, carefully and slowly, and then turn around quickly and sink the blade so far into the Munchkin's forehead that it comes out the other side.

Perfect.

I decide to use this as a training lesson for my troops. I drag the body out to the training camp where I was initially (the tram stop is in the back corner, outside this building). I had found, through many exciting incidents, that the Munchkins can't fight worth crap.

I throw the body onto the stage near the building where I was posing for the statue. It hits the microphone and makes a loud metal clanging sound that attracts the attention of everyone in the yard. They stare at me as I approach the microphone.

I try to make all of my four feet nine inches count as I hold up the corpse with the marble blade through its head.

"Imbeciles, morons, stupid Munchkins in general, this is how to kill a person! Stab the pointy end into the body or head of the enemy! Try it and do it right!"

In the far back, one guy stabs another guy through the head. Glinda would be pleased, and so am I.

"See? That guy's got the right idea!" I shout into the microphone. "What's your name, dude?"

I hear something that sounds suspiciously like "When can I fuck my wife?" and decide to make up a name instead.

"Everyone, meet Major Angrissues," I announce in the mic. "The only person he has to obey is me. Otherwise he rules all of you, and so do I. Major Angrissues, order your troops to practice what you did on the dummies."

I hear a quiet mumbling (he's really far away from me) and then a loud shout of "Sir yes sir!" before everyone mobs the practice dummies. Major Angrissues sure has a way with words.

I pull the white marble blade out of the Munchkin corpse's head and find that it's now stained with dark crimson blood. It looks like it'll dry black, so it's extra realistic!

I walk back to the statue and replace the knife.

"Take it to the Tram Station where it belongs."

* * *

THE BELDAM

* * *

A month.

A whole month!

That's how long I've been staining outside the ruins of my old house, the one I used to share with my awful parents and the un-fun farmhands.

(And my dog. I never was a cat person.)

Just waiting.

Come_ on! _This is _Tornado fucking Alley! _Why can't the Big One show up _now?_

Wait...

Wait...

There it is.

Run away, kiddies! Dorothy's going back to Oz, and she's fucking _pissed off._

* * *

_(A/N): As some of you may know, _Return to Oz _is a 1980-something _Wizard of Oz _sequel that's really dark and edgy. So that's why I called this chapter that._

_And I don't know if anyone noticed this, but if you re-read the chapter and didn't understand any of the hints from the previous places, Glinda's and Coraline's statues picture them stabbing two different forms of the same person to death._

_If I had to say so, though... in my personal opinion, Glinda stabbing Dorothy to death would be a really badass fanfic right there._

_Glinda stabbing the Beldam to death, on the other hand, would be an epically badass crossover. There's a difference._


End file.
